2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
