im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
