absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
