i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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