I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
