Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
