Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize