This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
True strength comes from lack of pants
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
