i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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