so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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