remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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