Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
