The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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