the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
