Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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