dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
