im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So apparently I’m into choking now
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
