If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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