If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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