i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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