Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
