you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
