I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
