you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
