Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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