a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
