Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
