She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
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I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
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Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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