He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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