in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
