It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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