i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
