can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
