i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
