i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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