I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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