I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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