Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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