Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
