drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption