Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper

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  (703): She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper http://tfl.nu/dnfr
  Replies (30) Good night (5520) Bad night (515)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.

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  (571): She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that. http://tfl.nu/q72a
  Replies (24) Good night (1545) Bad night (3684)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.

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  (802): I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover. http://tfl.nu/tbtl
  Replies (10) Good night (5558) Bad night (1597)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties

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  (561): just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties http://tfl.nu/aad8
  Replies (16) Good night (7192) Bad night (993)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"

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  (516): I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?" http://tfl.nu/niuk
  Replies (38) Good night (6906) Bad night (1185)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen

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  (847): If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen http://tfl.nu/f9bs
  Replies (4) Good night (3730) Bad night (1385)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.

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  (306): It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story. http://tfl.nu/6m1s
  Replies (14) Good night (1088) Bad night (2866)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.

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  (515): your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head. http://tfl.nu/jev3
  Replies (5) Good night (748) Bad night (1590)
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  (315): View more from New York

  I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you

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  (315): I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you http://tfl.nu/9k47
  Replies (8) Good night (2295) Bad night (954)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.

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  (859): We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information. http://tfl.nu/bnu1
  Replies (1) Good night (1078) Bad night (779)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..

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  (201): I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again.. (973): We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks.. http://tfl.nu/kzt5
  Replies (4) Good night (1622) Bad night (442)
• Favorite

  (571): View more from Virginia

  Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"

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  (571): Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?" http://tfl.nu/imih
  Replies (6) Good night (1717) Bad night (614)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave

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  (404): I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave http://tfl.nu/c1xk
  Replies (4) Good night (966) Bad night (595)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...

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  (248): Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider... http://tfl.nu/jksb
  Replies (4) Good night (573) Bad night (237)
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  (518): View more from New York

  Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.

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  (518): Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing. http://tfl.nu/7y4s
  Replies (2) Good night (221) Bad night (383)

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