Texts From Last Night

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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies

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  (860): yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her (860): but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!" (860): but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies http://tfl.nu/084i
  Replies (42) Good night (2712) Bad night (1062)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.

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  (636): It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy. http://tfl.nu/okgv
  Replies (33) Good night (5070) Bad night (623)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  watch out for the queen of hearts

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  fuucck i forgot ab her

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  (610): walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat (215): watch out for the queen of hearts (610): fuucck i forgot ab her http://tfl.nu/mo46
  Replies (15) Good night (5562) Bad night (814)
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  (760): View more from California

  new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.

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  (760): new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever. http://tfl.nu/8efz
  Replies (33) Good night (715) Bad night (8154)
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  (714): View more from California

  im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?

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  (714): im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join? http://tfl.nu/idc6
  Replies (16) Good night (4693) Bad night (1290)
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  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.

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  (952): Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you. http://tfl.nu/1zuw
  Replies (13) Good night (1365) Bad night (4050)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..

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  (+44): The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her.. http://tfl.nu/uw6o
  Replies (5) Good night (2216) Bad night (704)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?

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  (405): She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after? http://tfl.nu/ibkm
  Replies (16) Good night (3607) Bad night (889)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?

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  (615): I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed? http://tfl.nu/0gei
  Replies (22) Good night (819) Bad night (2618)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions

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  (615): Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions http://tfl.nu/mr16
  Replies (24) Good night (2796) Bad night (704)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.

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  (910): Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee. http://tfl.nu/pw4k
  Replies (12) Good night (1999) Bad night (711)
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  (219): View more from Indiana

  He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.

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  (219): He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket. http://tfl.nu/ujcd
  Replies (4) Good night (1368) Bad night (466)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  You're perfect

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  (603): My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign. (203): You're perfect http://tfl.nu/d0zl
  Replies (17) Good night (1106) Bad night (777)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs

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  (717): Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs http://tfl.nu/5gk3
  Replies (1) Good night (313) Bad night (264)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji

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  (201): I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji http://tfl.nu/f5is
  Replies (1) Good night (442) Bad night (137)

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