and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
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The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
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WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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