he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.