I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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