I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.