Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
