mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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