My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
