I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
