She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
