all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
