you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I checked into jail on foursquare
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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