I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
