we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
