Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
