she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
