why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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