i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
