Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
