i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
