I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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