You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
