I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
