The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
