Banned from zoo.
Again?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
