mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
