Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
