before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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