trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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