He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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