I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
