Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
