My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
